Disintegrating

Originally written: 04.08.2024

This and last week’s readings have presented an underlying theme of feeling as if we’re in a process of disintegration. A disintegration in a way that’s almost as if the mind is losing its sense of self, when really what I feel is happening is that we’re being presented with an opportunity for growth. To let go of parts of us that are no longer serving in order to create space for what is meant for us. It’s as if we’re being brought down to our studs to build back up and meet a new version of ourselves. 

There’s an emphasis on not only connecting with Earth and immersing in Nature to ground, but to connect with the natural rhythms of life, the universe, nature, whatever you want to call it. The innate rhythm that moves all of life. To follow our intuition’s connection to divine timing. 

A mundane example is: if you’re tired, take a nap. Take a break. Rest up. Do it without the company of screens or background noise. Feel like you’re trudging through swamp water to finish something? Step away. If the pulse to engage with that thing isn’t there, trust that it will arrive when it’s meant to and prepare for acceptance if it doesn’t return when you need or want it to. 

Be with yourself and allow yourself to find comfort and reprieve in stillness and silence so you’re fueled and ready when it’s time to make moves. Developing a relationship with stillness and silence connects us deeply with our inner world, and brings awareness to when divine timing is presenting itself. It’s connecting you to your emotions, your intuition, your guides, and the ability to flow with life in the present moment instead of feeding the pressurizing compulsion to map it all out with ‘certainty’ and ultimately feel like you’re swimming upstream.

For some people, sitting in stillness will bring a recognition of how that thing you were working towards is not in your best interest. Or, that you didn’t actually need to/have to/want to [insert whatever]. This doesn’t mean it will be easy or that the mind won’t try to interfere with the process. 

It’s like this disintegrating energy is allowing yourself to dismantle so you can be restored and renewed. We’re being asked to detach from and let go of parts of our identity, from comforts, compulsions, that no longer serve our highest selves. Thank these parts of yourself, these things, and give them to the wind.

There’s a pattern I’m seeing of people revisiting things that once brought comfort in order to restore that sense of safety in how they know themselves when it feels like a time of confrontation to understand ourselves on a different level. 

Are you revisiting that show or book in order to feel like yourself or to conjure up a certain state of being? In order to feel safe in the current of unknowns?

Are you clinging to a person, a relationship, a dynamic from a place of comfort in familiarity? Is there a question of wondering who you are without these people or things?

In this pattern of clinging to familiarity, many might find that those things no longer resonate or evoke the same sense of calm/ease as before. That’s ok, nothing is wrong with you. Feel into where your body is leading you, where your energy really wants to go, even if it doesn’t make sense. 

Some of y’all may have an easier time engaging with this energy and recognize where it is you’re being challenged with the understanding that it’s divinely guided. Still, it’s important to show gratitude for what’s being released because it helped get you to this point. 

For others, it may be more difficult to let go and allow for that discomfort to take place. There’s a lot of awareness to gain in discomfort and confrontation. Can you challenge your ego-mind and how you know yourself in order to create space for what’s unfolding? Can you detach from your ordinary reality, routine, or ways of operating to allow for this shift? Can you walk away and trust that where your headed is beyond anything your mind can dream up?

Trust that this period of disintegration is temporary and not a forever state. I hope everyone reading this trusts that this process is leading to a level up and leans into it fully. Have gratitude for what you let go of, and grace for yourself when you realize you’ve regressed somewhere. Healing and growth are a cyclical process when integrating anything, especially big shifts like this one. Are you ready to meet this new version of yourself?

Taurus season can pull focus towards pleasure. Self-love is the ultimate pleasure. It’s contagious. It ripples out into the environment and the collective, then finds its way back to us. Kind of like a boomerang. The question coming up is, “can you love yourself during this period of discovery? Can you love yourself despite the unknowns and uncertainties?”